Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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