She's JV to your varsity
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
