My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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