Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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