I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
