You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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