My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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