I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
