2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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