That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
