Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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