I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You are the jesus of drinking
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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