i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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