Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
