i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize