Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
