There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
