it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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