Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize