I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
