It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
