I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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