Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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