maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
