She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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