i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
