he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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