The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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