And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
