You're my little dorito
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
