I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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