1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
