You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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