I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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