Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
