i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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