After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
