You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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