I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
