just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
