don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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