i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
