I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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