We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
