thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
