from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
tell me about the eggs
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
