I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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