ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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