Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
