5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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