Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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