So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
