He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
