plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
