Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
