Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
