It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
