you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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