i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
