and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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