i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
