Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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