ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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