Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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