This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Randomize
