you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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