he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
