happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
