I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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