Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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