she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
