I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
