went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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