i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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