Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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