I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
